Drash on Toldot 2024

Rabbi Kim Ettlinger

Temple David

“Why me?”

Usually in moments of difficulty or in tragedy people ask a very common and deeply personal question. The question is “Why me?”

We can trace the origin of this question to this week’s Parashah, Toldot.

Moreover, the question even extends to the existential question of personal existence, “Why do I exist?”

Let me set the context.  Rebecca is pregnant with Jacob and Esau and they are struggling in her womb.  Rivka then initiates a conversation with God, this is another unusual situation that is noted by the rabbis.

Here is the text from Genesis 25:22-23

כב) וַיִּתְרֹֽצְצ֤וּ הַבָּנִים֙ בְּקִרְבָּ֔הּ וַתֹּ֣אמֶר אִם־כֵּ֔ן לָ֥מָּה זֶּ֖ה אָנֹ֑כִי וַתֵּ֖לֶךְ לִדְרֹ֥שׁ אֶת־יְהֹוָֽה׃ (כג) וַיֹּ֨אמֶר יְהֹוָ֜ה לָ֗הּ שְׁנֵ֤י (גיים) [גוֹיִם֙] בְּבִטְנֵ֔ךְ וּשְׁנֵ֣י לְאֻמִּ֔ים מִמֵּעַ֖יִךְ יִפָּרֵ֑דוּ וּלְאֹם֙ מִלְאֹ֣ם יֶֽאֱמָ֔ץ וְרַ֖ב יַעֲבֹ֥ד צָעִֽיר׃
(22) But the children struggled in her womb, and she said, She went to inquire of  יהוה
“If so, why do I exist?”
(23)  and יהוה answered her,
“Two nations are in your womb, Two separate peoples shall issue from your body;  One people shall be mightier than the other, And the older shall serve the younger.”

In looking at the text I’m less concerned with the content of the response but with fact that Rivkah actually received a response from God and such an honest and direct response.

How often do we receive a response when we ask God a question?  And, how often do we ask God the question “Why?”  or, even “Why do I exist?”

The translation of “אִם־כֵּ֔ן לָ֥מָּה זֶּ֖ה אָנֹ֑כִי” could also be “If so, Why me”

Why me?  Why do I exist for so much pain?  So much heartache?  So much… fill in the blank?  Of course, the renowned Rabbi Harold Kushner z”l responded to the question with the answer and I put it colloquially and with too much brevity – it is not Why me? But how can I get the support I need to deal with the situation I’m in?

In his book, Kushner writes, “We can’t pray that God make our lives free of problems; this won’t happen, and it is probably just as well. We can’t ask  Him to make us and those we love immune to diseases, because He can’t do that.”

So when we ask “Why me” or someone else asks us the question us “Why me” let us stop for a moment and rephrase the question to them or even to ourselves that it is fate that brings us to where we are, not God.  It is life.

We cannot and should not expect an answer as Rivka received an answer, as nice as it would be to have that kind of relationship.  But we can answer our own questions with sincerity and honesty?  Why me?  Because that is life.  Life throws up all kinds of challenges that we need to deal with and we have a choice.  We can face them alone or with the support of the community.  Some of us may need to seek out community, some may need to reconnect with the community, or some of us may need to activate our community to be more present.  Whatever it is, we are definitely not alone.