Drash – Vayishlach

Rabbi Jacqueline Ninio OAM

Senior Associate Rabbi, Emanuel Synagogue

This Shabbat we find Jacob, our ancestor, back in the desert wilderness, on another journey, about to confront his brother after years of estrangement. The last time they saw each other, Jacob swindled his brother out of his blessing and in return, Esau vowed to kill him. Jacob fled to his uncle’s house, where he established himself, built a life and a family. When it was time to leave, Jacob flees again. Departing from his father in law’s house without saying goodbye. Jacob, it seems is averse to confrontation and uncomfortable situations. But this week, he is forced to deal with his past and he is afraid. He has heard his brother is coming towards him with hundreds of armed men. Jacob knows he has never apologised, spoken with his brother, tried to make amends and for all he knows, his brother is still really angry, or even more so, after having seethed for years about the unfairness of what happened to him. Jacob sends messengers ahead with gifts, trying to placate Esau, he also divides his family into two groups, puts his favourite wife and her children in the rear, positions his less favourite wife and her children in the front and then, he walks away from everyone and goes to sleep.

Jacob has a dream, or perhaps it is real and he wrestles with an angel, or maybe his own conscience, and in the morning, he awakes, wounded but finally ready to face his past. He is afraid, terrified, in fact, that has not changed, but something within him has shifted and this time he will not run away, he will run towards the danger and deal with the consequences of his actions all those years ago.

Spoiler alert: it all goes really well and he and his brother hug, reconnect and are ready to move forward. Jacob, if you ask me, is not so changed, because after promising his brother he will follow behind and join him, Jacob turns and goes in the other direction and presumably, the brothers never see each other again, but at least Jacob has resolved a conflict, confronted his fear and reconnected in his relationship with his brother…before he runs!

I have always understood fear to be a healthy thing alerting us about a something from which we should run. It usually indicates a dangerous situation from which we should extricate ourselves as fast as possible! It is incomprehensible to me, that people would pay good money to be afraid, by jumping out of a plane, hurling themselves off a bridge or cliff tied only to a bit of elastic rope and bouncing out in mid-air, even scary movies cause me to cower in fear and change the channel as soon as possible. But this week’s Torah reading reminds us that sometimes, although we are afraid, instead of running, we should walk towards the fear because the fear can help us to become all of who we can be.

Jacob was afraid, yet he continued towards the meeting with his brother. He wrestled and struggled with himself, not knowing if the outcome would be positive. But he needed to feel those challenging emotions, he needed to face his past and everything that he had done and even though it was frightening and he was feeling shame, discomfort, remorse, sadness, those emotions, when confronted and held in a vice like struggle, can leave us transformed, changed.

Fear can sometimes indicate not danger but rather an opportunity for growth. We can be afraid of failure, of ridicule, of other’s reactions. But maybe that fear is telling us not to run away but rather to run towards; to recognise that this is perhaps an opportunity to do something incredible and that is why we are afraid.

Jacob’s wrestling led to a new name, Yisrael, Israel, our name: people who wrestle with God and perhaps by overcoming his fear, he helped us to be who we have become. So many people who have done remarkable things in the world have been afraid, and they did not let that stop them, so maybe, sometimes, a healthy amount of trepidation can lead to truly great moments. I hope that we can take our fear and channel it into places which lead to growth, change and blessings.